...that I started this blog because I had something to say and I needed an outlet to day such things. Now that I have the outlet, the words won't come out.
I have been doing a great deal of soul searching these past few weeks, as it seems that I have nothing but time on my hands and nothing to do with that time. But boredom is a much needed vacation from the drama that has been occuring over the past few months, years, even a decade. I am sure that during this soul searching I have discovered a few things about myself that have been repressed so deep into my psyche, that it pretty much took the Jaws of Life to pry them out. I have several people in my life to thank for helping me to pry these buried emotions and observations out of my soul. These people know who they are and they know how much I appreciate them for helping me through this trying time in my life.
It seems as though I am always looking for answers outside of myself and that is the last place I ought to look, as any answers I seek can only be found within myself. I cannot recall the exact moment that I lost the ability to think for myself, but I know it had something to do with my past relationships. I go for the exact wrong person for me and it usually ends with me feeling like a total train wreck and an idiot for staying so long. But that is really besides the point. I could pick my life apart and all I would have are pieces of a puzzle that would never fit together properly. The choices I have made do not define who I am as a person, as all human beings make mistakes. But the real question that I have been searching for an answer to is: "Who am I?"
I have lost myself in a sea of anarchy and chaos.
2 comments:
Wow. My own writing makes me want to kill myself.
That was a bad joke, I know.
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